so over everything

there's a place in your pocket

2006-09-05T03:20:00.003+10:00

in my years and years on earth i have lived through enough stuff to garner some serious street cred (or as they call it on the streets these days Strizzle Credizzle. ok, im the only one who calls it that) - not one, but TWO different television sets have inhabited my bedroom, i've worked registers at two stores, two weeks back i bought a pair of shoes and i just demagnetized the strip on the back of my debit card so i ordered a second. so i guess we can all agree that i've lived through plenty, yeah? awesome. but i care about YOU and i want to school you in the facts of life, as presented to me. help me, help you. help ME help YOU*. this is all about you. about me. and your mom. so here they are. this is the word of god, homies.

if you EVER even THINK about swimming less than an hour after eating you WILL die a horrible and painful death. remememememember how noah had to build an ark and all those other people died? that's because they had the audacity to think about swimming after two hot dogs AND a brewski. don't repeat their mistakes, yeah?
call me ishmael.
the news might tell you otherwise, but ribena actually whitens teeth. you heard it here first
my mother and my mother only decides the weather
despite recent claims from my brain, there is no shopping centre in between two white curvy spanish buildings located near or around the vicinity of homebush. and you cant get there by monorail
i have bright blue frog pyjamas (version:summer). i have bright purple frog pyjamas (version: winter/early spring). please note that this seemingly bizarre coincidence is just that. a coincidence. and nothing more.
i'ma fail this assessment. and i'm kinda sleepy. oh, twofer! you lucky bastards.
Noel Tyl never fails to deliver a cogent analysis of his topic. no, no he does not.
this just in, i have to pee. brb.
back.

in other news i'm going to start the next sentence with a capital letter. psyche. i wont warn you beforehand if i do it. itll just sneak up on you. kinda. like. This.

gotcha!

hey kiddies, watch out for 1159 pm cause in the midnight hour i wanna take you there. dig?

*that was for c-haz of the bay of philizzle and c-hertz of the botanizzle. they be illin' fo' rizzle.

my other car is a beatle

2006-07-28T19:00:00.000+10:00

i wrote this saturday morning but forgot to post so here it is with appropriate modifications.

we're heading out to the gaelic tonight (last night), an event my mother doesnt approve of as she believes its the gay lick club and im gonna get into all sorts of kinky sitchs ("i'm only 15"). but i wont you guys, i swear. the reason we're going is super confidential but the cover story is that its because theres a band there (arcadea. that's with an e. not an i. ill find out why they chose that name maybe and then ill post that reason here.)(i didn't find out because i didn't really care but they can play instruments and such) and theyre mates with the annas and one of the annas said i had to go and im pretty much a push over.so thats that.

remember the last time you saw me? my hairs different now. so thats that.

i was really busy this week (last week) manouvering my uni timetable to fit me in a way which would require minimal showing up. two days a week people. i tweaked it to two days a weak. technically three but fuck me if im gonna show up for an hour lecture. so thats that.

im pretty cold (still goes). thats that.

i lost my pearl earring. this tragic event on the heels of a previous earring loss at george st that was even more tragic because that one was from venice you guys. thats not even IN sydney OKAY!? speaking of stuff not here my parents are going away. had i a house i would surely be amidst plans for a house party. but you cant have a house party in an apartment. or a cardboard box. thats where i live ay tee em.

oh, der fred. last night, ay? ay? good shit.

im glad you came to my blog and visited today.

oh youre leaving? might i entice you to stay with some super sexy sexy pictures of some ultra hot people. i don't know them, obvs but like i just thought they were super good looking and shit. yeah. yeah.

Best b-ball players ever? Quite possibly, my friends. Quite. Possibly.

A man. And what a man.

My Little Stoner

Speaks for itself

Tash (that's me!) and Alex (that's me!)

Andrew, Charles, Nathan. The hottest 'stachioed mans in town

Anyways monkeys, if you have any thoughts on the above subjects, leave a comment. that's the only way to get my attention because the only one who could ever reach me was the son of a preacherman.

san dimas high school footbal rules

2006-05-26T03:21:00.000+10:00

i don't really use this blog to like talk about my life and what's going on and stuff, 'cause it's not that fascinating (despite what everyone thinks, i don't traverse the countryside fighting crime. often) and you don't care (you fucking better start). but there's a first time for everything, and that time is now.

so here's a bit of a catch up. in the past couple of months i did some stuff, namely i turned 18, went out clubbing some, hated on uni, re-evaluated my relationship with public transport (you'll be glad to know we're as tight as ever), made money and drank a lot of water because making money is hard work, okay?

then there was this never ending list of stuff i didn't do. most notably, show up for uni. apparently they frown on that sort of thing. something about a policy stating you have to show up more often than never? whoda thunk. not i.

anyway after i didn't show up, i also didn't do two majormajormajor assessments. reason being i have better stuff to do with my time. big brother is on so many times a day, i have no patience for the mere triviality of education. so i'm fairly certain the politely worded letter asking me to leave is imminent. as is the gray hair on my mothers head caused by the stress of knowing her daughter is a faaayyylllllyooourr. oh well. life. it shall go on (hopefully to a kicking soundtrack as i walk down the road and spontaneouly burst into song and dance and then john travolta starts singing about our hot summer nights and kevin bacons getting loose feet (lost footed?) and then the mistresses of murderess row reiterate that he had it coming all along so shut the fuck up with your accusations you bastards. and only then, ONLY THEN, will the little sleepy town allow music to once more return to their lives as jennifer beals realises that YES, she CAN do it! and you say i'm not a hero?)

now that i'm pretty sure i'm out of uni, i've been thinking about what else i wanna do (after awakening from the six month coma my mother puts me in with nary a glare. speaking of, has anyone been watching passions? crazy shit is afoot, my friends. crazy. shit). that dream of being a writer is no longer (i'm pretty sure you need, like, talent or something. so that's the major down point right there). what i wantwantwant is to work for a while (at big w, or the dubya as those in the know - i.e. me, and me only - refer to it) and then just get the fuck out of here. go all over europe again, this time at my own leisure. then after europe i'll head on over to the americas and attempt to colonise their wild terrains. just you wait, i'll make a country out of them yet.

the only problem here is that i am so beyond co-dependant. which reminds me, should i wear black socks to work on saturday, or black socks with coloured stripes? do tell me, as i value your opinions ever so much.

in other news, did pharoah not let the people go again or something? surely, for the plagues are upon us. cherts' is in hospital for locust-related reasons, and i can't walk cause i had to run from the frogs all over central station and i hear word that chaz has a sharp pain in her side. must be the death of all the cattle.

aaaand cut!

Uni Assessments on the Rise...

2006-03-27T19:31:00.000+11:00

...Will to Live on Steep Decline.

Here at my blog, our experts are dedicated to bringing you the best and most nutritious meals. And I've left you all malnutritioned since my last serving (see what i did there? there's a name for that technique. it's called KICKING SOME ASS!

According to The Fitz - who has discovered a deeply hidden, not to mention disturbing, love for Chuck Norris (I totally understand) - my last update was not satisfactory. Apparently AlFi likes it when i complain and rant and rave about stuff, because he gets confused. whatever floats your boat, dude. I think he just likes it when things go wrong in my life. is that it? is it?! god, you're conniving.

fortunately for him, i always have something to complain about. there's always something that sucks. sucks like you, you whores. all of you. however, i'm not in the mood to rant (hahahahaha!) so i'll just divulge some super duper state secrets. the fbi ain't got nothin' on me bitch.

So here's some stuff taken completely out of context in MSN conversations with several unnamed people:

"I recieved 1 year probation and a 18 month good behavior bond"
"I went to the Dr. and he said I have haunted fingers :("
"preston dumped chantelle for camille. and i think he might have proposed"
"been at court... drugs and alcohol and people...people and fighting and yeah"
"basically everyone hates name censored"
someone did something with someone else that they weren't supposed to!
"these days I sleep, take medication... i have CBD.... chronic backstabbing disorder... i once strangled a baby... i had sexual intercourse with a dead person...i killed a man for the ice block he had already licked"

Oh Em Gee! We have such screwed up friends. (p.s. the court thing isn't who you all think it is. i wouldn't put it there if it were so obvious)

Stay tuned. Coming soon:

- Shoes! Shoes! Shoes! - Alex Fitz Gee tells the story behind the photo*

- I make up stuff about people! - Facts of Life (read them if you value living)

*as soon as i find where i saved it, sorry mate.

also, listen. no, listen! don't just listen, but LISTEN. don't just hear me, HEAR. ME. leave me some love. leave me a lot of love. love love love. love love. make barney proud.

tash got new stuffs!

2006-03-19T17:05:00.000+11:00

but first...

there's lot's of gossip that my ears have picked up on recently, but i might get beat up if i tell you. so i won't. unless you send me money. then i'll sing like a bird. but the gist of it is that someone did something questionable in regards to something and it's pretty backwards, if you ask me (which you did). but if word get's out all the zoo animals will be sad. all the rest of us will have a good giggle though.

anyway, i was provided with some fun photos and i shall share them with you now.

piccies courtesy of fitz, chaz and maddy, respectively.

i like it when people give me money. unfortch, no one just GIVES me money (anymore) and i must now work for it. but that's alright, because all the manual labour that i have not yet actually begun will pay off and i shall purchase many new things. i had some money last weekend or something and then i spent it all on happiness. observe:

don't ask me why they're so blurry. it's most likely cause i don't know how to do stuff.

it has recently been brought to my attention that i am very knowledgable about everything in the entire universe. yeah, i know. no big surprise there. but i am willing to use my powers for good rather than evil. so if you need me to write an essay about something, i'll totally do it for you and post it in my next update. leave me a comment and i'll love you for the next three months.

s.o: uni

2006-03-09T00:50:00.000+11:00

look here sonny jim, i've given it two weeks (my evaluation time for most things that require three years of my attention) and it would appear that i haaaattteee university. i don't actually think i'm learning anything. and if i am, it's very subtle and involves the use of dead children on windshields (do not fucking ask).

i challenge any of you to sit in on my writing as communication lecture and afterwards tell me what the lecturer was talkng about. she, honest to god, makes no sense when she speaks. to anyone. all i got from last weeks lecture was something about smell and lizards? and this week? deafness and like something to do with chair's not being oobie doobie's...? i...i dont know. she speaks her own language. the words are english (mostly) but they're not in any recognisable order.

i have this friend who in the interest of anonymity we will call Anastasia Chertkovison. you guys don't know her. but anyway, she shares my views of POLICE BRUTALITY ON TELEVISION I WILL BE RIGHT BACK!!! she shares my views of the boringness and uselessness of university. that's probably why we're friends. maybe it's because she's a solid alibi. but most likely it's because she once said that if i stopped being her friend she'd rip my fingers off and feed them to her crocodiles. i don't really know if she has any crocodiles but i tend to take threats like that pretty seriously.

in other news, my mother gave me her credit card and pin number and for that i thank the baby jesus for momentarily ceasing all activity in her brain and allowing satan to possess her and pass the card over to me.

in other other news, did you guys know ribena now comes in apple black current flavour? i did not. and i was unpleasantly surprised when my drink tasted less purple and more apple. gross gross gross.

what was the prupose of this again? oh right. univeristy sucks and my fingers are under threat of being eaten by crocodiles.

also, here are some recent photographs of some recent things that have amused me recently:

Ben Blah: Ice Skating Champ

A VIE at the winter olympics. it's significance to our economy is endless.

the french guy that got stabbed in the neck and we all died laughing

a history lesson

the best people EVER

let's talk about sex, baby

2006-02-24T21:28:00.000+11:00

one thing i will never get over is gossip. i especially like sharing it around. sharing is caring, and i am the most caring person in the world.

let's get to it:

i know for a fact that some people have been having certain talks left and right (which talks? figure it out). a certain person (name withheld, but well known to us all) has been having 'the' talk with said persons mother. after mother came home early and discovered persons significant other in nothing but underwear on the family couch. in the middle of the day. oops.

in related(ish) news, I'm anxiously awaiting confirmation for unconfirmerd, comfirmation inducing confirmable events. further more, i just got news from the white house that 'certain' and 'confirm' are the words of the day. wow, what a wacky coincidence!

a well known boy geenyus has recently stuck his or her finger's under 15kg's of metal and let the metal fall. dumbass.

everyone's favourite person once referred to the olympics as limpliadas. aw! i'm so cute. i mean, that person is so cute. and gorgeous. i love her. or him!

anna has some gossip:

mr big w got a vite lancer. it's not red.
annabo mcsteel picked up a hot brazilian (wax? discuss) at unsw. did she?! hold on, let me confirm -

tasha says:
did you pick up hot brazilian?
Anna Elizabeth... says:
yea

consider it confirmed.

the medical centre at easties employs turtles

listen guys, yoda's talking and i have to go. toodles.

EDITED:

RE-EDITED: the last thing i said isn't allowed to be public knowledge yet =(

so over knowing everything before everyone

2006-02-12T23:09:00.000+11:00

The last time we got word from the Isle of South Sydney High, it was the morning of December 13th. The sun was shining, the hangovers were shining, Jack Nicholson was in The Shining, Cherty and Tash bravely ventured into the depths of despair. Again.

They spoke to many rare and purple creatures - Monis, Heatronius, Shannyhanny and The Pelican. After leaving unharmed to catch buses back to their native habitats, they never heard from any of these creatures again. And often they wondered - what had become of these entities? Well, wonder no more. At anything. Because I alone hold the secrets to everything and will reveal them in due time. For real. But back to the creatures. Shannyhanny and Monis have disappeared off the face of the planet (drug related, most definitely), Heatronius was spotted in and around the vicinity of The Store Of Broken Muffins And Other Pastries. But it is The Pelican that has kept me awake at night (EW! Not in THAT way. Sickos.)

Now, lest you think he's just been chillin' his gangsta ass in the classroomzZzZz of Souths...behold:

I'm not quite sure what that means, but using my super duper awesome powers in which I look at photos and deduce what transpired without actually having been there: Mr Pelican is either involved in a steamy love affair with Sly or he's been leading a double life and is really a super secret spy for the KGB. Either way he's a cunning fellow, that one.

End of.

so over oh five: retardism

2006-02-03T23:41:00.000+11:00

i'm by no means over being a complete dickhead in public, so don't wet your pants in shock and fear or anything. but with a new year, come new responsibilitilitlitilties. retardier beginings, retardier horizons. so much room for expansion, a chance to branch out in all sorts of retarded directions. hope for- fuck this opening, it's retarded (see, i've already started). i know it, you know, yo momma knows it. jesus may be aware and hell, even george clooney is alert to this development. but they don't matter. i know this because tyler knows this.

any old how, here are the official 2005 retard files as provided to me by the fbi, cia and other random alphabet letters. being as there were so many goddamn kodak moments these are mostly incomplete but still manage to be quite extensive and detailed. it's just a good thing that the yellow font is here to provide us clues and insights into the minds of these strange and befuddling creatures. actually, the yellow font provides nothing. these dumbasses are beyond human comprehension. which is why we love them. we being the them's in question, of course.

so over oh five part three: retardism

so over oh five: places we went

2006-01-23T01:37:00.000+11:00

i am so thoughtful

why?

what a fucking stupid question. i just am.

it's also because i know that '05 is but a distant memory, slowly fading away in the rear window of maddy's car as she chauffers us to brighton. therefore i have taken it upon myself to remind you of around about a quarter* of the stuff we did and the places we went.

*by my calculations there should be roughly approximately three quarters left. however i cannot be fucked finding (or remembering for that matter) all of the shit we did. probably because i've supressed so many of the beautiful memories. but most likely cause im a lazy bitch.

so over oh five part two: places we went

i am so fucking over putting things in chronological order. i just wanted to remind you of stuff because you're all alcoholics and have diminished recall functions, i wasn't trying to cure amnesia.

so over updating

2005-12-29T20:08:00.000+11:00

pffffft. the bit where i post pics of parties and other stuff from 05 will be continued at some stage in 06. cool. or not. whatever.

p.s. cherty, sorry i didn't call back, but when i did you were at easties already i think. did you catch the menorah thing? anyway, happy new years everyone! :D

so over oh five: things we love

2005-12-25T19:52:00.000+11:00

as two thousand and five draws to an end, we pause and reflect upon the year that was. i won't go into it because it was a long year. 356 days in fact. anyway, we all know a picture is worth twenty five million words or something, so i have composed a five part series* that will unfold over the next few days** and will adequately sum up the stupid year we all had. actually, it's more about the year i had, but you're all in it so like whatever.

*it might be just this one part, depending on how lazy i'm feeling.

**it might just unfold right now, depending on how lazy i'm feeling.***

***i'm feeling pretty lazy.

part one: things we loved in 05

there was probably more shit we loved, but i got over it before i had the chance to find more pictures, so make do with this and stop yer complainin' chil'n.

so over girama's

2005-12-18T21:16:00.000+11:00

recently chaz, cherts and tash (i'm tash) went on a safari to deepest darkest africa. yeah that's right bitches. there they saw all sorts of fascinating shit and heard many a tale of the much revered but never seen 'girama' (you might refer to it as a 'laraffe')

the villagers of the village maintained that no one had ever seen the girama, but every once in a while, on a clear night, you can see their sillhouette's gallivanting under the full moon.

our brave explorers glanced at one another, each thinking the same thing - "Yo quiero Taco Bell". they realised that the task fell upon them to find this mythical creature of wonder and doom. and so the following morning our heroine's set off in search of the girama.

i won't bore you with the details of the journey, so i'll just tell you the legend of the girama.

once there was a llama:

he was the most handsomest llama in all the land.

and there was a giraffe. she was the prettiest in the land:

one day, he was standing on a windy mountain looking proudly at the sun, like the king of the jungle he is

when he spotted the beautiful giraffe, standing awkwardly and stupidly, like the king of the jungle she is

the fell in love...

aaawwwww!!!!

then they did it like they do on the discovery channel. yeah, like that. and that's how the very first ever Girama came into being

so after many fun fun fun adventures, the Mew Mew Mew Mew Windddoooooww Caaaaaat Maararrrraaaaat Whereeee Aaaaare Yoooouuuu team of explorers found it, tamed it, and rode it home.

THE END!

p.s. i'm so over paint shop.

so over aich ess sea

2005-12-16T15:27:00.000+11:00

so we all got our stupid results today. some were less stupid than others. mine were the best ever in recorded history (history in this case only being recorded since 6am this morning and only at my place).

tomorrow we of the uai community shall know our uai's for which we are in the community for in the first place (what? read that sentence again). this will happen at 9am. after that, hsc is officially over for us forever and ever and ever until january when we get uni things.

but i'm over it. in fact, i was over it before it even began. i was over it before year 12 began. that's what miss bonis said anyway. that's also what my results say.

whatever, i'm over it.